TRACK-BY-TRACK REVIEW: “how i’m feeling now” — Charli XCX
RATING: 9.5/10
Miss Charli has done it again. She has created a masterpiece. But this time, she has not only created a masterpiece — she has created the world’s very first quarantine rave. The quintessential quarantine album for the paradoxically overly-introspective party animals among us, “how i’m feeling now” is both Charli at her most honest and stripped down, and Charli at her most hyped up. A project for the ages, this album is simply incredible, despite one or two weaker songs — a consistent feature of Charli’s otherwise ethereal creations. I have taken the entire day to review her album song-by-song, because I adore her THAT MUCH. Here we go!
“pink diamond” — Trippy, futuristic, further proof of Charli’s chops at infiltrating the experimental world of 100 gecs, SOPHIE, and the like. Charli channels “Next Level Charli” in strategy and “Click” in sound as she yearns to return to her hard-partying lifestyle in this experimental noise-pop opener, reminiscent of a classic night of dancing, drugs, and pure hedonism in an abandoned warehouse in East Williamsburg. The song fills the room, changing even the most drab of bedrooms into an illegal rave. A beautiful and boundary-pushing opener to the world’s first quarantine album.
“forever” — The quintessential quarantine love song. Reflecting the emotions of all of us who remain separated from the ones we love during this scary time, Charli’s despondence at her being unable to see the love of her life because of a deadly pathogen is clear in her crooning, almost groaning vocals and the song’s simple yet gripping melody. “I know in the future, we won’t see each other, cold just like December, but I’ll love you forever,” she laments, reflecting our collective grief and yearning to be in the arms of those we love.
“claws” — A bedroom-pop-inspired, made-for-TikTok pop masterpiece. Charli uses as few words as possible to playfully coax an ex-lover into returning to her side. The song reads as a daydream, the type of song a high-schooler in a teenage movie musical would randomly break into in the middle of geometry class as a promposal. Lighthearted and uplifting, the song’s bedroom-rave dream sequence energy takes a surprising turn at the end, fading into what could only be described as the sound of a Motel 6 ice machine falling into a black hole. This song is sure to be the soundtrack to every lonely e-girl’s quarantine.
“7 years”— Charli goes deeper into her reminiscence of a life with love in a now dead world. Essentially a somewhat slower continuation of the “claws” aesthetic, Charli gets in her feelings with this hip-hop-inspired anthem of devotion. While lacking the punch and the careful production of the other songs on her album, “7 years” is still a banger, and one of the more sing-along-able songs on “how i’m feeling now”.
“detonate” — Bubbles. So many bubbles. A huge dance floor covered in purple foam in an abandoned war bunker in East London. A goopy neon cruise ship made of plastic and glitter overflowing with booze, glow sticks, Xannies, and happiness. That is the place Charli transports you to in the first fifteen seconds of this absolute BANGER. But “detonate” takes a more sentimental turn, disobeying the infectious club beat to reveal Charli’s insecurities about her inability to let people into her inner world. Amidst the backdrop of her bubble rave aesthetic, she describes herself as a time bomb, reeling lovers in with her allure and detonating as soon as they get too close, an allegory for her self-destructive tendencies. With many of us becoming ever more aware of our toxic behavior in the absence of human contact, this song is both a nostalgic trip back to the parties of yesterday and a painful reminder of the intricacies of our relationships and the issues that plague them.
“enemy” —This song serves as Charli’s contribution to the explosive rise of 80s nostalgia in the past several months, as well as a message of, uh, love to her haters. Channeling a 21st century Cyndi Lauper in tone, attitude, and the ballad-tempo electric guitar, Charli delivers an atmospheric ode to the Hate F*ck. Somehow, this person who Charli despises has made their way into her bed and her heart, and the relatively (for Charli, at least) understated production that defines the first half of the track further proves Charli’s passive role in this development. After the second chorus, the song expands into an ecstatic cloud of gold and pink smoke, sending the listener into a brief journey through the depths of Charli’s in-the-now ecstasy which so defines her. Then, in another swift-yet-masterful motion, Charli returns to her introspective space, revealing the nerves behind her bravado. In a raw voice memo seemingly meant to sound like it was taken backstage at a concert, Charli reveals how much she hurts, even in her moments of ecstasy, and how little she truly understands her emotions. However, she returns to the party in the tactfully overproduced final chorus, blowing her doubts to smithereens, accepting that her enemies may be the people who best understand her.
“i finally understand”— Further continuing her acceptance of her emotions, Charli “finally understands” that her feelings for her lover (and seemingly former hater) are strong and undeniable. Charli’s therapist tells her that she hates herself, and that that is the reason she experiences such dramatic swings in the quality of her relationships, but Charli doesn’t care. The song has a more mellow vibe than the other songs on the album, but that doesn’t take away from its infectiousness whatsoever, as the production quality is impeccable — among the best in her discography. As Charli accepts her feelings, however toxic, the song evolves towards a more experimental route, first flying high into the lo-fi clouds and then down into the mild, atmospheric glitchiness of an underground Berlin rave, before quickly ending. This song further reflects Charli’s journey of self-discovery in quarantine, as she realizes that she can not keep running from her feelings — especially when there is nowhere to run to.
“c2.0” — CLICK!!!! When this mind-bender of a club hit arrived with the rest of Charli’s self-titled third album in September, it blasted the gays and the PC Music aficionados to the next dimension. Now, Click is back and better than ever, seemingly combining all the most memorable parts of the original song into a playfully revealing and introspective ode to the friends we f*ck with, even from far away. The opening minute of the track is a combination of Kim Petras’ “I’m next level, so legit with all my clique” brag and the original song’s final 100 gecs-produced “laptop in a washing machine” explosion of noise, but the song quickly becomes something entirely different. Charli returns after a brief ambient pause in a painfully nostalgic form, remembering long summer drives, smoking joints with her friends and choking — hearkening back to the days when the biggest threat to their lungs was the smoke from their cigarettes and gravity bongs. In its desperate longing essence, “c2.0” captures the zeitgeist of 2020 in the world of Millennials and Gen-Z— we are young and full of life, yet prematurely trapped in a loop of nostalgia, longing, sadness, and jadedness. Charli’s pain at her separation from her dear friends is tangible, and this introspective reincarnation of one of her greatest songs is sure to strike a chord with any listener.
“party 4 u” — To be honest, this is not my favorite track, but it does reflect one of the defining phenomena of this new era — the mini-party. With no one able to physically party together, Charli offers a tentative invitation to her loved one to celebrate. As partying is one of Charli’s favorite activities — the late 2000s/early 2010s London rave scene essentially birthed her career — the absence of it is especially hard for her, and this is reflected in the solemn, forlorn tone of this unfortunately overlong track. I think she meant for this track to be “how i’m feeling now”’s answer to the ethereal “Track 10” (considered by many to be the crown jewel of what is often considered to be Charli’s magnum opus, Pop 2), but it falls short in dynamism and catchiness. Regardless, it is relatable and an enjoyable listen, albeit overlong.
“anthems”— If “party 4 u” was meant to be Charli’s answer to her own “Track 10”, “anthems” is her answer to the legendary Britney Spears — specifically her controversial-yet-groundbreaking late-2007 masterpiece, Blackout. Blackout, although scorned and ridiculed at the time of its release, is often retrospectively credited with paving the way for the electropop explosion of the late 2000s and early-to-mid 2010s, with chart-topping pop idols like Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Justin Bieber drawing direct influence from the album in the early stages of their careers, before creating unique yet still Blackout-inspired sounds of their own. Charli and Britney share something very special — both are unapologetically themselves in an artistic world which exists a good five to ten years behind them. Charli is a groundbreaker and she knows it, and no groundbreaking album would be complete without an ode to the sound of Britney, aptly titled “anthems”. It starts off on a glitchy, all-encompassing beat, and without warning, it truly begins. “I’M. SO. BORED,” Charli exclaims as the synth crashes in. “Staring out to oblivion, all my friends are invisible, I miss ’em all, I might cry like a waterfall” she laments, echoing the exact sentiments of BILLIONS of people around the world. This song is raw, unfiltered, and rough around the edges, and it is special for a multitude of reasons. For the first time potentially in history, an artist has produced a song which, in its unassuming and honest nature, is capable of resonating with pretty much every single person on the planet. We are all so lonely, our friends are invisible, we are SO. BORED. Like Charli, “some days we’re okay, some days we’re frightened.” The song takes the listener on a glitchy, shockingly electric rollercoaster through the drunken mania of Charli’s 20s — a world which she misses dearly, as she laments throughout the song. “I just wanna go to parties, and feel the heat from all the bodies”, she croons over the gritty electronica staccato, her frustration and pent up energy almost materializing around the listener. Same, gorl. Same.
“visions” — So, “party 4 u” was the wannabe “Track 10.” We’ve established that. But… “visions” matches the pure artistry of “Track 10” — even exceeds it — without even trying. Starting off on a chill, dreamy, ambient, even sad note, the song spends about a minute-and-a-half in Sad Girl City before potentially one of the most unexpected and mind-blowing transitions into Rave Girl City I have ever heard. All of a sudden, the listener is completely transported into a maelstrom of calculated electronic madness. The passive listener might be confused. In fact, I would never listen to this song alone without having listened to the album beforehand. But therein lies its genius. The song veers off into a land completely unknown and unexpected…relatively early on in the song. This is a clear reflection of the situation we all currently find ourselves in, and Charli f*cking knows it. This song is startling, confusing, and beautiful in a perverted way, and in its message it carries much more meaning than the rave explosion might suggest. This is both Charli saying “goodbye, I’m returning to my dream world where I’m still a rave queen,” and her screaming into the void: “what the f*ck is happening!!!!!”
Charli herself, when talking about “visions” as the album closer, has confirmed this. In her words: “..the song feels like this big lucid dream — it’s about seeing visions of my boyfriend and I together, and it being right and final. But then it spirals off into this very weird world that feels euphoric, but also intense and unknown. And I think that’s a quite a nice note to end this particular album on. The whole situation we’ve found ourselves in is unknown. I personally don’t know what I’m going to do next, but I know this final statement feels right for who I am and the direction I’m going in.”
All in all, Charli has created a masterpiece of experimental pop…right from the comfort of her own home. She has transcended the idea that bedroom pop must be synonymous with chill, simple melodies and ukuleles. She has gone and straight-up *created* the bedroom rave world, and it is now up to us and other producers to enter this space she has carved out and populate it.